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10 Key Takeways from 'Never Split the Difference

If there is only one book you read on negotiation, make sure it's this one.

By Shwetank Dixit

If there's one skill that can make or break your career, it's the ability to negotiate effectively. No matter your role—whether you're closing sales deals, rallying a team, or brokering important contracts—you'll need to influence and persuade others. One book that offers amazing advice in this is Chris Voss's book Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It. This book is remarkable in not only providing a providing general high-level approaches towards the philosophy of negotiation, but also dives in and offers tactical tips on how to approach it in the best way.

Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, combines real-world experience with the science of negotiation to provide actionable tips and techniques. While this book details Voss's negotiation approach in law-enforcement scenarios, the principles he outlines can be translated outside law-enforcement too. Let's dive into the key takeaways and explore how you can implement them in various professional scenarios.

1. "The F Word" in Negotiations: Fairness

The Principle: "The most powerful word in negotiations is 'Fair'." Chris Voss emphasizes that fairness is a universal trait that everyone values.

Career Implication: In any professional setting—be it sales, human resources, or project management—being perceived as fair can go a long way in building credibility and trust.

Scenario: The Art of Fairness in Sales

Imagine you're a sales executive trying to close a major deal. Your prospective client is skeptical. You could start by saying, "I understand there are other options available and I want to make sure you get the fairest deal." This establishes goodwill and sets the stage for a more open discussion. It's good to establish that you are not going to push anything and instead try to see if your solution is the right and most fair fit for the prospect.

2. The "Accusation Audit"

The Principle: "Denying the negative clears the path for positive." Clear the air of any preconceived notions or negativity the other side might have about you.

Career Implication: In a managerial position, you often have to bring in change. Accusation audits can help you preemptively manage your team's resistance.

Scenario: Managerial Decision-making

You're planning a shift in company strategy that you know will not be universally popular. Before presenting the plan, instead of presenting the plan as unquestioningly the best idea, you address the team, saying to the effect of: "I know some of you may feel that this is a risky move that may not pay off." By acknowledging their concerns, you pave the way for constructive dialogue and make many of the people who are on the fence, feel heard.

3. Mirroring

The Principle: 'Mirror, mirror,' also known as isopraxism, is essentially imitation. It's a way to establish rapport. People are drawn to what is similar, and you explaining similar terminology to refer to their problems helps in them feeling that you get them.

Career Implication: Whether you're in customer service, consulting, or any other role involving interpersonal interactions, mirroring can establish immediate rapport and make your counterpart feel heard and understood.

Scenario: Customer Relationship Management

You're a CRM executive, and a client says they're looking for a "cost-effective and scalable solution". You could use the word 'cheap' to refer to cost-effective, or depending on what they mean by scalable, you could use 'future-proof' or 'high-performance' - but it's better to mirror their terminology.

In your back-and-forth with them drop their own keywords of 'cost-effective' and 'scalable' instead. This establishes that you're listening to them and are using the same terminology to explain their pain-points.

4. The Calibrated Question

The Principle: Calibrated Questions have the power to educate your counterpart about the problem rather than causing conflict by telling them what the problem is. 'How' questions are especially useful when it comes to this.

Career Implication: Calibrated questions can be especially effective in job interviews or performance reviews, putting the onus of problem-solving on the other party.

Scenario: Job Interview

In a job interview, instead of saying you're looking for a work-life balance, you could ask, "How does this company approach work-life balance?" This shifts the focus and prompts the interviewer to think about the company's policies.

5. Labeling

The Principle: Labeling is a way of validating someone's emotion by acknowledging it.

Career Implication: In any professional role, recognizing others' emotional states and giving them a label can diffuse tension and foster a more collaborative environment.

Scenario: Crisis Management

Imagine you're leading a project that's been particularly complex to work on, and has been taking way more time than initially anticipated. Team morale is low. You could say, "I sense there's a feeling of anxiousness among us because things haven't gone as planned lately". This straightforward acknowledgment can go a long way in opening up channels of communication.

6. The Late Night FM DJ Voice

The Principle: Chris Voss recommends using a calm, slow, and soothing tone of voice, much like a late-night FM DJ, to create an atmosphere of authority and trust. This tone can calm your counterpart and make them more receptive to your message.

Career Implication: This technique can be invaluable in high-stakes conversations where establishing trust and authority is crucial. Whether you're a CEO discussing a merger, a project manager addressing a team, or a sales professional pitching to a client, the Late Night FM DJ Voice can set the stage for a more favorable outcome.

Scenario: Crisis Communication

Imagine you're a project manager, and your team has hit a significant roadblock that jeopardizes the project timeline. Tensions are high. Instead of matching the team's anxiety with a frantic tone, you use the Late Night FM DJ Voice to convey the next steps: "We've encountered a challenge, but here's how we're going to tackle it." Your calm, authoritative tone sets the emotional tone for the room, providing the stability needed to refocus and move forward.

7. Be Willing to Walk Away

The Principle: 'No deal is better than a bad deal,' says Voss.

Career Implication: Know your worth. In any negotiation, be prepared to walk away if the terms are not in your favor.

Scenario: Salary Negotiation

During a job offer discussion, if you feel the compensation doesn't match your skills and experience, be prepared to decline and look for other opportunities that value you appropriately.

8. The Ackerman Model

The Principle: The Ackerman Model involves setting your target price, then calculating three progressively higher amounts, and using specific concession patterns to reach your goal.

Career Implication: This can be particularly useful in contract negotiations or procurement roles.

Scenario: Vendor Management

You're responsible for procuring office supplies and have a budget of $10,000. Start your negotiation at $8,000 and use calibrated questions and strategic concessions to eventually agree on an amount close to your budget.

9. Tactical Empathy

The Principle: Understanding the 'other side' is not about being nice; it's tactical.

Career Implication: This principle is universally applicable across all career paths, from HR to project management, to sales and marketing.

Scenario: Office Conflict Resolution

Two team members are at odds over a project. Instead of imposing a solution, you could say, "It sounds like you both have concerns that need to be addressed. How can we find a solution that respects both viewpoints?"

10. The "That's Right" Moment

The Principle: The 'That's Right' moment is a breakthrough point in any negotiation where the other party feels completely understood. Before getting to 'yes', aim for getting to "That's right" instead.

This moment can be achieved by effectively listening to them and properly summarizing (preferably with mirroring terminology) where they are coming from and what their needs are.

It might take multiple rounds of you attemping this before you come to the "That's right" moment.

Career Implication: Achieving a "That's Right" moment can be the linchpin in successful negotiations, from closing a deal to resolving internal conflicts.

Scenario: Team Leadership

You're leading a team through a challenging period of change. After a detailed discussion, you summarize their concerns so effectively that you get nods and affirmations. This "That's Right" moment can turn the tide, transforming resistance into collaboration.

Bringing it Together: Asking for a Raise

Let's see how we could use techniques from the book to help us in asking for a raise. These techniques won't gaurauntee it of course, but could prove useful in coming up with a better outcome for you.

The F Word in Negotiations: Fairness

How to Use It: Start the conversation by expressing your commitment to fairness. Make it clear that you've done your homework and you're aware of industry salary benchmarks.

Example: You could say, "I've been reviewing my responsibilities and the value I bring to the team, and I want to ensure that my compensation reflects a fair market rate."

The Accusation Audit

How to Use It: Anticipate your manager's possible reservations about giving you a raise and address them upfront.

Example: "Before we discuss this further, I understand that budget constraints are always a consideration, and I want to be respectful of that."

Mirroring

How to Use It: Use mirroring to establish rapport during your conversation. Repeat some of your manager's phrases or expressions to show that you're engaged and understand their viewpoint.

Example: If your manager says, "We have to consider several factors before adjusting salaries," you could reply, "I understand that several factors come into play."

Calibrated Questions

How to Use It: Instead of bluntly stating that you want a raise, ask calibrated questions that make your manager think about your value and contribution.

Example: "How can we align my compensation with the responsibilities I've taken on over the past year?"

Labeling

How to Use It: Label any objections or concerns your manager may have, addressing them in a manner that shows you understand their viewpoint.

Example: "It seems like you have some reservations, and I want to understand those so we can find a solution that works for both of us."

The Late Night FM DJ Voice

How to Use It: During crucial points of your conversation, use the Late Night FM DJ voice to convey your points with a sense of calm authority.

Be Willing to Walk Away

How to Use It: Be prepared to consider other opportunities if the conversation doesn't lead to a mutually beneficial outcome. Knowing your worth enables you to negotiate from a position of strength.

Use the Ackerman Model

How to Use It: Be prepared with a well-researched target salary and use the Ackerman model to negotiate towards it.

Example: If your target is a 10% raise, first ask for 15%. If your manager counters with 5%, you can make calibrated concessions to eventually agree around your target.

Tactical Empathy

How to Use It: Express understanding of the company's position and any limitations they might have, without undermining your own value.

Example: "I understand the company has budget constraints, which is why I've taken on additional responsibilities to help us reach our goals. How can we make my salary reflect this?"

The "That's Right" Moment

How to Use It: Aim for a "That's Right" moment by summarizing your contributions and value in such a way that your manager has no option but to agree, facilitating a more open discussion about your raise.

Example: "After successfully leading multiple projects and streamlining processes to increase efficiency, I think we can agree that my role has evolved considerably."

Shwetank Dixit

Shwetank Dixit

Founder, Voohy

Shwetank Dixit is the founder of Voohy. He is also a coach and mentor to emerging leaders in engineering and product roles.

Before founding Voohy, he served as VP of Core Technology at eyeo. He has contributed to products like the Opera browser and Adblock Plus.

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